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Truth in advertising

I had to look up the phone number for my apartment complex yesterday so I googled it. I found the listing and was amused to see this was the description on the property owner's page:

"The Heights at Burien offers you an idyllic community, nestled within towering trees and lush, green lawns. Surrounded by breathtaking mountain scenery and stunning views of Puget Sound, you are enticed inside by a tree-lined drive and welcomed into a charming neighborhood of spacious, colonial-style apartment homes.

Outside you will find a community garden and covered picnic areas while inside you will enjoy a state-of-the-art fitness center and resident business center. Once inside your newly renovated apartment home you will enjoy updated, European cabinetry, appliances, flooring and lighting and you will enjoy inviting friends or family over for an evening of entertainment.

The Heights at Burien offers an optimal location with Sea-Tac International Airport within minutes of your home as well as a perfect shopping experience at South Center Mall. For outdoor recreation, golfing, parks and Seahurst Beach are moments away, providing opportunities for a scenic stroll or picnic. Conveniently located for public transportation with easy access to downtown, The Heights at Burien is only minutes from work, major attractions and all that the Seattle area has to offer.

It is a community, it is a neighborhood, it is a lifestyle.

The Heights at Burien: It is home."

If there were truth in advertising, the advert would read:

"The Heights at Burien offers you an eclectic community of drug dealers, multi-generational households, and single parent/latchkey kid households. It is nestled within towering trees and dirt covered lawns. Surrounded by broken down cars on blocks and stunning views of the overflowing dumpsters, you are enticed inside by a tree-lined drive and welcomed into a charming neighborhood of cramped, military-style apartment homes.

Outside you will find a community cigarette butt garden and graffiti-covered picnic areas while inside you will enjoy ancient washers and dryers located conveniently in the dank basement of each building. Once inside your apartment home you will enjoy quaint antique appliances, flooring and lighting. Enjoy open expanses of wall space without the clutter of excess electrical outlets. We believe in community so you'll be able to hear everything your neighbors say and do on the other side of the paper thin walls. Let the mellow contact high from your neighbor's marijuana parties and the soothing sounds of Tejano music mixed with domestic violence lull you to sleep. You will look forward to your friends and family inviting you over to their house for dinner.

The Heights at Burien offers an optimal location with Little Pat's Diner within minutes of your home as well as a perfect shopping experience at the Burien community garage sale. For outdoor recreation, the Burien police department has cleaned out the crack park across Ambaum Way providing opportunities for a scenic stroll or picnic, before dark that is. Conveniently located for public transportation with easy access to downtown, The Heights at Burien is only minutes from work, major attractions and the county courthouse to take care of those pesky warrants.

It is a community, it is a neighborhood, it is a ghetto.

The Heights at Burien: Don't forget your bullet proof vest."

Yep, that's more like the place I call home.


( 33 comments — Leave a comment )
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May. 7th, 2008 09:39 pm (UTC)
May. 7th, 2008 10:11 pm (UTC)

That made me giggle WAAAAAY too much :)
May. 7th, 2008 10:16 pm (UTC)
Glad to hear it. Giggling is good!
(no subject) - raeyn - May. 8th, 2008 08:55 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - lavender_jane - May. 9th, 2008 10:25 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - raeyn - May. 9th, 2008 11:44 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - lavender_jane - May. 9th, 2008 11:57 pm (UTC) - Expand
We're moving in - (Anonymous) - Feb. 13th, 2009 06:47 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: We're moving in - lavender_jane - Feb. 13th, 2009 07:43 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: We're moving in - (Anonymous) - Jul. 1st, 2010 05:50 pm (UTC) - Expand
May. 7th, 2008 10:21 pm (UTC)
that is the funniest thing I have ever read....you really should write books!

love you, sharon
May. 9th, 2008 03:28 am (UTC)
The B-Town Blog thanks you for your humor
Very funny!

Thanks for keeping Burien funny!


Jun. 5th, 2008 11:58 pm (UTC)
I'm a podcast fan, not a weird stalker, I swear!
*wanders over from xenacast.net*

Hi Amy! I'm Mer, and I listen to your podcast and I have my own podcast (www.braindouche.net) and I was wondering... can I remix your reading of Burien Heights? And put it on my podcast? And give you credit and stuff? Please? I'll make it funny, pinkyswear.

Jun. 15th, 2008 05:35 am (UTC)
Re: I&#39;m a podcast fan, not a weird stalker, I swear!
Hi Mer. I'm glad you liked my post. Go ahead and use it if you'd like but be sure to credit me and let me know when you get it up.
Jun. 5th, 2008 11:59 pm (UTC)
Oh, btw, how come you're never on the Meebo thingy on your site?
Jun. 12th, 2008 03:21 am (UTC)
The Heights/Vintage Park/Seahurst Village/Burien Gardens--OUCH!
Yep. I live there. At least there ARE trees.
And grass. Trampled grass, but grass nonetheless.
I've been here w/my family for years. YEARS.
Why? I can't afford to move! The place is 'reasonable',
and they are 'remodling' now--but this means kicking folks
out or making them move to a different, 'remodled home'
within the complex. Odelay!
The outside may look different with new siding and
the inside may look 'better' with new amenities, but
the place was an Army barracks back in WWII and the
wiring and plumbing shows it; this has not been changed.
Firetrap, anyone?!
They assure me the new mgmt has tighter screening laws,
perhaps they do. The 'new' units certainly are pricey
enough to warrant it, but the guts of the bldg--deceivingly--
are still of 1940s-1950s vintage. Where IS that electric
outlet?! OH--they're all in the living room!
And that's almost true.
During the years I've lived here I've seen 2 shooting deaths,
been attacked on my own porch, lived to tell about it, several years ago my kids were afraid to go outside at all because of racial tension, they're in their teens now--that's the only reason this
isn't a problem--so they don't 'play' anymore. Alot of the kids
around here don't 'play nice'. How can they when their parents don't?

Its a sad shame. There needs to be a place for people of all types but this is a clusterf*** of the worst kind.
I hope they clean it up sufficiently--I've seen it very bad AND pretty good. I'm waiting on the new mgmt to prove themselves.
AND I think the blog is hillarious!
I'd stay away from here--actually just because of the prices.
I've been here so long, and I see them rising to unheard of levels for a trap such as this. Do you have $950 or so for a 2BR? Over $1200 for a 3? Want to live in 'Little Mexico'? (our neighbours--thankfully--are wonderful, they speak little English but they are friendly neighbours who greet our smiles with same as we try to bring up our kids in this place. A welcome relief to the coke dealer who used to live there, a welcome relief to the person that decided "Thriller" was a great album and must be played over and over full blast at 3AM.

Thanks for the blog--made my little day.
Apr. 30th, 2009 05:31 am (UTC)
O my God... very well said! I live there with my hubby and daughter for almost a year and we can't take the environment, it's not a good place for us... The unit we had was gross! there were mice running around the kitchen, we called the office but no action taken for one month. And 1 week before we left the apartment, there were shot guns in front of our building since then I had sleepless nights... This is the worst apartment!
Jun. 13th, 2009 02:31 am (UTC)
This is the worst place to live. EVER!!!!
I have lived here for a year and a half, but I thank the Lord that I am able to move out at the end of this month. When I came to rent my apt. the management showed me a really nice "model unit" in the front of the complex. I didn't see my unit until move in day. There are cockroaches. My fridge was broken for 6 months. They would come and "fix" it and then I would get to throw away all the food I purchased to fill my "fixed" fridge. My car was stolen and now they flip me sh*t about giving me a guest parking pass for the car I borrowed until I get mine back (yeah right). I have invested in a club as have many of my neighbors whose cars have also been stolen from here. I just walked out my front door to find a cockroach scurrying around out there. I put it out of it's misery. I hear gunshots all the time and I'm afraid to walk my dog after dark. The new fire doors block all of the nasty mold/mildew smelling air inside the building and it's lovely when you walk out your door to the smell of urine or when someone has dripped blood all over the hallway. The lovely management told me when I talked to them that crime doesn't have an address- Yeah right- this is the address right here. I read somewhere else that the Burien Police spend 10% of their overall manpower per year here at the Heights. I could go on and on and on. If you are thinking of moving here- DON'T.
Jun. 13th, 2009 02:34 am (UTC)
and last but certainly not least, I forgot to mention the black mold that they will simply just paint over if you complain about it. Oh and I have never been able to use my tub because it was painted instead of cleaned. This is the nastiest place I have ever lived. The dumpsters ARE overflowing even the brand new super sized ones they just got. It is most amusing to watch as people dig through them like they are going to find something good. And usually it isn't just one person, but several at a time doing it. Wow. Thanks...
Jul. 23rd, 2009 06:39 pm (UTC)
i agree!
I did the same thing! Laughed my ass off at the google ad, and think yours is much more acurate. Except I got a renovated one and actually have a washer and dryer but can only fit 5 shirts at a time
Dec. 18th, 2009 06:17 am (UTC)
Oh $HI*
I just had to move on the drop of a hat situation and ended up here at the Heights. I knew I was in a rough area after a situation unfolded before my very eyes just down the street.

I was stopped by a Wells Fargo Bank here in Burien at a traffic light. I happened to notice some activity in a parking lot out of the right corner of my eye. To my utter surprise, I saw a HUGE fight going on in this club parking lot! 20-30 people involved and what was even worse is that I noticed lifeless bodies littering the ground.

I sat there in utter amazment as I watched this guy run up to one of the bodies on the ground and start pounding the victim in the head with a huge pipe over and over again as people were screaming in complete chaos. I decided that I had watched enough of this and decided to go in for a closer look. I wanted to see if there was any way possible for me to stop that guy from killing the dude on the ground.

As I pulled up along side the guys fighting in the parking lot, then all hell broke loose. BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG... 6 gunshots rang out very close by.. I would estimate the distance of the shooter at about 80 ft from me.... way to close for comfort anyway. lol

I then took off at a fairly quick pace around a corner to put a building in between the shooter and me. As I rounded the corner I heard a larger caliber weapon start firing (I assume back at the first guy that was shooting?) Then as Im getting the hell out of dodge I heard more gun fire being exchanged.

So I finally get home safely and not 5 mins later I hear and see the police helicopters circling with the search light over the apartments here. They circled for about an hour,then left.

I hope the victims of that horror are not dead. It was really sad to see all that evil and I am just happy to have gotten away safely.
Jan. 14th, 2010 09:41 pm (UTC)
i currently live here and i agree the neighbrohood and maintnece suck i just had my door kicked in and they didnt do a very nice job of fixing it unless u think painting over the hole is a nice job id rather be homeless than live here they are roach infested and thats nasty
Mar. 28th, 2010 04:05 pm (UTC)
Parking at The Heights in Burien
They have a rule that cars must be moved within 72 hours or be towed. Managers past put a sticker on your car warning you when you had been in one place too long. Not these people! And they are totally arbitrary about the way they apply this rule. I had not seen a tow truck in months, and suddenly I was towed. For less than a half day on the lot, it cost me $399. plus change to get it back. More than 100. of that was because they towed it on a week-end, and "they don't work on the week-end."
Apr. 1st, 2010 04:29 am (UTC)
I grew up here
I grew up in these apartments,from 1960 to 1976 when they were called "Burien Gardens".
When I was a kid, there was a really great Olympic size swimming pool,and even though it was always for the below average income family, at that time it was a pretty OK place for a kid. Then as I was growing up it started getting bad. The earthquake in 1964 or so ruined the pool. Then a kid drowned in the remnants of what was left of the pool, so they cleared it out of there. As a teenager, it got scary to come in after dark from the car to the apartment. I heard rats in the bread drawer at night, and also the neighbor raping his daughter. I was back in town a few years ago and drove through. Really scary now. Didn't even want to get out of the car. I got the heck out of Burien and I'm never going back!!
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